member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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