Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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