just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
