I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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