dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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