I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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