Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize