my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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