CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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