Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You need Xanax blowdarts
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
