Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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