omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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