I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
