I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
