she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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