And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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