i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this beer tastes like vomit already
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
