If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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