I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just made my gag reflex go away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
