That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
