she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize