Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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