Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
