I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
