shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize