Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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