i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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