Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
