i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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