Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
