I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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