I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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