and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
