If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
