So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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