Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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