Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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