I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
