I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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