Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
