I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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