Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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