i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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