i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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