Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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