it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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