In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
