the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
