You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
