She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
