when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
