So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
a search helicopter?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
