yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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