He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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