so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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