i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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