Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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