i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
