It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
