I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
