Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
