3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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